I Thought I’d Failed 20 Years Ago… Turns Out, I Was Just Getting Ready.

I wasn’t planning to share this story, but a conversation with a younger friend reminded me how powerful regret and fear can be — and how different life becomes when you decide to face them.

At 27, I packed my bags and went travelling through the UK and Europe for five months. I loved every minute of it. So much so that when I came home, my husband, my sister, her husband, and I decided to sell everything and move to the UK.

We spent about 18 months living and travelling, chasing that sense of wonder and possibility. But in the middle of it all, life had other plans.

I had a bad fall that caused two slipped discs — though I didn’t know it at the time. Pain, dizziness and stress built up, and soon after, I developed a stomach issue that no one could explain. I was sick for months, in and out of hospitals, terrified because no one seemed to know what was wrong.

Eventually, they removed my appendix and gave me antibiotics. The surgery didn’t fix it, but the antibiotics did — though it took me years to understand why. Later I learned it had been suffering diverticulitis all along.

By then, I was exhausted — physically and emotionally. What had started as an adventure had turned into something I just needed to survive. I wanted to go home, to be close to family, to feel safe again. So I left. My sister left with me.

We both regretted it. Deeply.

It took me twenty years before I could travel like that again. Twenty years before I felt brave enough to start over and life gave me another opportunity to try again. Even after all that time, the fear was still there — fear that I’d repeat the same story, that I’d fail again and go home defeated.

But this time was different.

This time I pushed through — through the visa headaches, the loneliness, the sickness, the uncertainty of building a new life. I made friends, started a business, and kept going even when it felt impossible.

I had new tools, a new mindset. Years of learning how to face fear rather than run from it.

And this time, I did what I set out to do all those years ago. I made it.

Looking back now, I can see how much I’ve grown. I’m stronger than I thought. Wiser than I was. Softer in the right ways, tougher in the ones that matter.

Just because I had a bad experience once doesn’t mean I have to relive it over and over again. You can change. You can grow.

Regret is powerful. Fear is powerful. But neither compares to what happens when you finally trust yourself to try again.

Because dreams are meant to be chased — even if it takes twenty years to catch them. 

What I Learned From It All

When I look back, I realise how often we let one painful experience define us. We carry it for years, our mind convincing us that somehow these problems will repeat themselves — when in truth, we’ve changed.

The version of me who went home in fear all those years ago and the version of me who stayed and built a life this time are not the same person.
The difference wasn’t luck — it was mindset. It was the quiet decision to trust myself more than my fear, and push through no matter the set backs.

I learned that healing doesn’t mean erasing what happened. It means giving yourself permission to try again, differently this time.

So if you’ve ever walked away from something before you were ready — maybe it’s not too late to finish what you started.

What if the thing you think broke you years ago was actually preparing you for the version of you who could finally handle it?

And what if… this time, you’re ready?