When Your Old Self Doesn’t Fit Anymore

This article is for anyone who feels caught between who they used to be and who they’re becoming — stuck, searching, and ready for change.

There comes a moment in life when you look back, trying to find the person you used to be — and realise she doesn’t fit anymore.

For me, that moment came quietly. There wasn’t a dramatic turning point or a big announcement. It was just the slow, sinking realisation that I wasn’t where I thought I’d be, and yet, I couldn’t go back to who I once was either.

I hadn’t hit the milestones I imagined. The career highs, the financial security, the sense of certainty about the future — they all felt just out of reach. I was still trying, still pushing, still searching for that breakthrough. But in the middle of all that striving, I would sometimes pause and think about the woman I used to be. The one who dreamed big. The one who thought she had more time, more energy, more clarity.

And when I pictured her, I realised something painful: she didn’t fit me anymore.

It’s a strange kind of stuckness. You’re not where you want to be. But you’re not who you were either. You’ve changed — in ways you didn’t always notice, and sometimes in ways you didn’t want to admit.

Life has shaped you. Responsibility has carved away at you. The years of holding things together, of showing up for everyone else, of carrying burdens no one else sees — all of that has left its mark. And while you’ve grown stronger in some ways, you’ve also grown weary.

I remember driving the same streets, running the same errands, repeating the same routines. I could almost do it with my eyes closed. I was there, but I wasn’t present. I was a shell of who I thought I’d be by then.

And I kept asking myself: If I’m no longer her, then who am I now?

The hardest part of this space — the in-between — is that it feels invisible. From the outside, life can look fine. You’re functioning, showing up, even carrying on with a smile. But inside, you feel unmoored, caught between two selves: the one you used to be and the one you haven’t become yet.

And because there’s no clear roadmap for this stage, it’s easy to convince yourself that you’re failing. That you’ve missed your chance. That you should somehow already know who you’re supposed to be by now.

But here’s what I’ve learned: you don’t need to “find” your old self again. She served her purpose. She got you this far. But she doesn’t fit because you’ve outgrown her.

The next chapter isn’t about going back. It’s about creating forward.

When I finally understood that, the pressure lifted. I stopped searching for the old me and started listening for the new one. She wasn’t fully formed yet. She didn’t come with a 10-step plan or a timeline. But she was there — in the small choices, in the quiet moments, in the questions I began to ask differently.

And that’s how change really starts. Not with reinvention overnight, but with the courage to stand in the space between who you were and who you’re becoming, and to take one small step anyway.

So if you’re in that place right now — where the old self doesn’t fit but the new one hasn’t arrived yet — know this: you’re not broken, you’re becoming.

You don’t need all the answers to move forward. You just need the courage to begin.